Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Free Indie Game: Dwarf Fortress

Dwarf Fortress is one of the hardest to learn games I've ever played. It's also one of the most awesome. The Dwarf Fortress motto is, "Losing is fun". That's because Dwarf Fortress has no win condition.
The purpose of Dwarf Fortress is to help a caravan of dwarves establish a base.

Kind of.

Dwarf Fortress is so sandbox-y that you can pretty much do whatever you want. The catch is you can only do it by ordering around alcoholic dwarves (they actually require alcohol to function.) The game is prone to mass, hilarious destruction. Boatmurdered, for example, was a fortress that resulted in all of it's populace dying because an insane, fire-covered dwarf went around killing everyone else with his axe.

The graphics are ASCII,so unless you've played rogue-likes, it can be hard to understand. However, you can either download tile sets to make the graphics understandable, or you can learn to read it, like the Matrix. Nowadays when I play Dwarf Fortress it's like "Blonde, brunette, redhead..."

While the learning curve is steep, there is a wiki and several tutorials to assist you in learning this game. Believe me, the reward is worthwhile. Ultimately I can't really encapsulate all the awesome in this game, so I leave you with this image:

You Can't Blame Video Games For Making You Fat Anymore

The Obesity Train in all it's glory
as seen on bmj.com
The supposed tie to video games and obesity has been called into question. New study shows that 12 year olds who play video games don't necessarily get fat. The study claims that "race, age and socioeconomic status were the strongest predictors" in regards to whether or not someone was going to take a ride on the obesity train. This is great news, now I have even more fodder for never leaving my room.

The study also reported that the children who used the internet frequently had better reading skills, meanwhile children who frequently played video games had better visuospatial skills. The catch to all this? The young gamers were reported to have poorer grades and low self-esteem.

This study shows that we're still pointing fingers at things that don't necessarily correlate to the issue at hand. Kids weren't moving around, video games caused that to happen, so let's blame video games for obesity. This is an issue that has also blamed television and computers. It's good to see that research is still being done into issues. It's also good to see things that I don't like being negated, but that's mainly because I'm petty.

Up Up, Down Down, Left Right Left Right, B A Select Start

Some kid Me, circa 1989
I've been gaming for as long as I can remember. My parents had a computer for me to play on, and when I was 5, I got my first SNES. Gaming is a passion. Video games are an interactive media, providing countless scenarios that appeal to a wide audience. Video games allow me to be a master strategist, an epic hero, and in some cases, even a dread villain. I'm an Italian plumber, a speed-addicted hedgehog, a spartan soldier. I'm good at them, too. I've made the high scores, unlocked the achievements, seen the credits, and revealed the hidden characters.

But what does this mean to you?

You want to know about a game? I'm your man. We can sit down and have a little chat here. You want to know what's happening in gaming? I can tell you all about that. I'm the informed friend with strong opinions. The gaming industry is getting larger, gone is the heyday of the 90's where only people who were truly interested cared. Nowadays, we've got people who are making shitty games for dumb people. They try as hard as they can to make something look like it's worth your time and money. I'm not going to fall for it, and neither are you. After all, you're here, reading this blog. Let's both make sure that we're at the top of our game, informed and experienced. Our money is valuable, and we're not going to piss it away supporting companies that are making bank turning out half-assed material. Let's support quality.

So why don't we brew up some coffee, sit down, and have a little chat?

That One Guy Ad by Fish_Head

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Video Game Addiction: If You're Having Too Much Fun, There's Something Wrong With You

Image courtesy Mondo-Pixel
New study performed in Singapore has determined that 1 in 10 children are video game addicts. Addicts. As in, these children invest so much time into video games that it's negatively affecting their lives. 3,000 children from 3rd, 4t, and 7th grade were given questionnaires by their teachers. The questionnaires featured such questions as "Do you play video games instead of doing your homework or chores?" I still do that. I probably will never stop doing that. Someone else can take out the trash or do the dishes. I'm at the end boss of Chrono Trigger. Destroying Lavos is way more important than doing that paper tonight. Save all of mankind or finish an assignment not-at-the-last-minute? Decisions.

The study was done over a two year period, with reported symptoms of video game addiction being: Increases in anxiety and depression, drops in grades, increased impulsive behavior. Also, "addicted" children had bad social skills. Wait a minute. Impulsive? Bad social skills? Procrastination and an unwillingness to do chores? That sounds like my childhood. Growing up with A.D.D., video games were my bread and butter. Still are, except my social skills are better (I hope). These children don't have these problems because they play video games, they more likely play video games because they have these problems. If that. Correlation does not equal causation. I'm not the only one who's having a problem with this. Mark Griffiths, director of the International Gaming Research Unit has voiced his concerns, too. "Video games have displaced television"

This is just another tirade done by closed-minded people like Jack Thompson. The study has already been called into question for its viability, and it's unlikely that it will have any long term effects. Video games are still working to becoming a fully accepted media form, and I'm thankful that we live in a time where things like this don't result in the sort of overreactions experienced in the 80's and 90's. Even though these sorts of things aren't too threatening, that doesn't mean we should just take them laying down. We should speak out against bullshit like this, and make sure that things like this don't go without rebuttal.

Let's Play Darius Twin

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Nintendo Abolishes Multi-Friend Code Headache

Image from Joystiq
Gone are the days of having to find different friend codes for every fucking Nintendo game you own. At least for the upcoming 3DS, anyway. Nintendo did what they should have done years ago, announcing that the 3DS will have one universal friend code, with the bonus of not having to use codes if the systems are sharing the same Wi-Fi. This is the step that will finally make Nintendo at least somewhat of an equal in the online multiplayer field. It's about time that they fixed this, but apparently, they're only doing it for the 3DS, I guess we'll have to wait for Nintendo's next home console to be on par with the 360 and PS3. I guess we shouldn't be to hard on Nintendo, after all, it only took them 5 years to figure out that they had a bad online setup.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Player Profile: Interview With Nathan Barnatt

"They call me the wreaker the wr-wr-wr-wreaker cuz I wreak so much havoc with my l-l-leg sweeper." - Keith Apicary, Classic Gaming Wiz

Nathan Barnatt, better known in the gaming community as Keith Apicary, is a force to be reckoned with. A gamer actor hybrid, similar to James Rolfe (The Angry Video Nerd), Keith plays on all of our nostalgia for gaming days gone by. Keith Apicary is a 28 year old man who lives with his mother and sister. According to Nathan, Keith is a man "who probably stopped growing mentally at the age of 14 when he was having the most fun, playing Genesis." Every week, through his documentary Talking Classics, Keith gives us a glimpse into what it's like to be astoundingly good at video games, unless he's at a convention, then all hell breaks loose. Nathan's brand of nerdcore humor in combination with his pratfalling abilities have made a strong fanbase and caught the attention of networks, a Keith Apicary pilot has been made, and hopefully will be picked up by a network soon.

I recently had the opportunity to have an interview via Skype with Nathan. I don't have the time or effort to transcribe the entire hour and a half interview, however here are some highlights.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Five Games That Are So Bad They're Good

Sometimes you run into a game that at first glance, appears to be pretty shitty, however once you start playing it you may find that (on accident) the game ends up being really, really fun(ny). Here are 5 such games, and this is only scratching the surface.

Tommy Moe's Winter Skiing and Snowboarding Extreme (SNES)

Tommy Moe is ready to make a game that he doesn't star in!
What it is: Tommy Moe's Winter Skiing and Snowboarding Extreme (TMWSASE) appears to at first be a simple skiing and snowboarding emulator, and it basically is. Choosing between skiing or snowboarding, you can proceed to race in time trials against your friend, or do a free-run of the mountain.

Why it sucks: There's no simultaneous play, the music is either non-existent or generic, and you don't really get a good sense of competition when you play. I can rarely enjoy this game unless I'm playing it with a friend.

How it gets good: The controls are tight, and when you start going of moguls, the games animation for jumping is fairly ridiculous. When playing 2 player and doing free-run mode, you find that free-run is actually a race to get all the way down the mountain while going through checkpoints (similar to games like the Cruis'n series). Eventually the game throws in situations like snowmobiles (which can be mercilessly plowed through) and full white outs which usually happen around the time that you have enough adrenaline in you to get upset by them. A true sense of competition can form as you watch your opponent who has learned from your mistakes go farther down the trail than you before hitting too many patches of ice or rocks and running out of time. And you have to love the day glow outfit that your character wears. How can you say no to 90's ski attire?

Ballz 3D (SNES)

What it is: Ballz 3D is a 3D fighting game filled with crass humor and awkwardness. You play as any of 8 characters made up of, you guessed it, balls. The storyline consists of you beating the shit out of everyone else so that you can earn colored belts (which increase your strength) and eventually fight The Jester.

Why it sucks: This game is bad for many, many reasons, one of which is that the intro to the game sounds incredibly suggestive. At one point it literally sounds like someone is saying "RA-RA-RAPE." See for yourself. Intro aside, the games controls are awkward due to being set on a 3D plane. Any fighting game that requires a jump button is sure to be awkward. The music is generic, none of the songs (except the chilling intro) stick in your mind. If you don't have a sense of humor, the game is really terrible.

How it gets good: If you DO have a sense of humor, this game can be fairly entertaining. Any game where a ballerina has a move that consists of kicking all the male characters in the groin (which does in fact put them into stun) is worthwhile. The karate master cuts limbs off. Try fighting with one leg. The billboards in the background shot random things that are mildly entertaining (RIGHT IN THE SNACKIES). The game's goofiness factor is off the charts. As a fighting game, aside from having to have a jump button, the game is decent. It's not a direct knock-off of any other fighting game, and features distinct characters with distinct movesets. The superhero flies and has hurricane breath. The body builder's fatality consists of him giving you the bum's rush and accidentally slamming your head into the ground. INTO. The cast also features a monkey, a rhinocerous-man-thing, and a clown (who pelvic thrusts on the select screen.) The ball aesthetic is taken advantage of, and frequently characters will temporary transform into something else, example: Bruiser the bodybuilder can transform into a tornado. If the tornado fails to connect, when he reforms, he'll be scrambled and in a unique state where he can't attack and can only hop on one foot. The game is awkward, and it knows it. Still can't get over that intro, though...

Last Action Hero (SNES)

What it is: A movie game made to go hand in hand with The Last Action Hero, this game succeeded in being as big of a flop as the movie it was made after.

Why it sucks: Terrible hit collisions, two attack types (punch and kick), a useless crouch, a useless jump, and wave after wave of generic enemies.

How it gets good: When the character you play as crouches, it looks like he's doing a sweet air guitar. Don't believe me? Check it out.

(Yes, I did make this video myself...)

Fighting Street (TurboGrafx-16)

What it is: The only port of the original Street Fighter arcade game, Fighting Street was only released on the TurboGrafx-16 FOR GOOD REASON

Why it sucks: You can only choose one character, Ryu. When a second player appears, they play as Ken (who at this point in the series WAS RYU). You get all the shotokan moves of Street Fighter fame, the Shoryuken, the Hadoken, and the Tatsumaki Senpukyaku. One problem though, THE MOVES ARE INCREDIBLY HARD TO PULL OFF. The game functions on two buttons, one for kick and one for punch. As a result, the strength of the attack is determined by how long the button is pressed. This makes things incredibly sloppy.

How it gets good: Those hard to pull off moves? When they do connect, dear God it is sweet. Combine the fact that you're playing the original Street Fighter with the cheesey win/lose quotes, along with muffled audio, this game can be at lease mildly entertaining. Don't play the 1 Player mode, though.

(Heads up, the volume on this vid is wonky.)

Double Dungeons (TurboGrafx-16)

What it is: Remember the old Windows 95 screensaver of the 1st person perspective maze? That's Double Dungeons in a nutshell. You're sent into the dungeon for an arbitrary reason. Kill the evil thing inside of it. Do another mission.

Why it sucks: The game only has about 4 audio tracks, one of which you'll be hearing over, and over, and over, and over again. That in combination with the graphics can make this game a big headache. The maze that you're in never changes, it's the same grey walls again and again. The battle system consists of pressing the same button repeatedly until whatever you're fighting dies.

How it gets good: It's called Double Dungeon because believe it or not, it's a 2-player-simultaneous game. It's rather difficult to do, but you can find your friend in the dungeon, and even fight him. Taking on the boss with your friend can be pretty rewarding, although it doesn't add much to the battle. While the repetitive maze can be a bit dumb, the idea of needing to cartograph your surroundings is kind of cool. The missions have hilarious typos and sometimes refuse to make sense. In one mission "prolog" I was told that I was to save a girl who had been captured by a demon. When I then fought and killed a snowman, the "epilog" said, "Congratulations, you have killed the snowman and rescued the girl." Wtf? And while the music can get repetitive, the intro has undeniable 90's charm (unfortunately I couldn't find the intro music online anywhere.)

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Now Playing and Next Level Mini-Podcasts

"Now Playing"

Now Playing by Digital Self

"Next Level"

Next Level by Digital Self

Here are my mini-podcasts, a little teaser for what's to come in the upcoming weeks!

Free Indie Game: Cave Story

The granddaddy of all indie games, Cave Story is considered to be one of the best free indie games available. Taking on the role of an amnesia stricken robot, it is your goal to run, jump, and shoot your way through the network of caves you find yourself in, while helping those you encounter. It's undeniably charming. The imagery is cute, but not sickening. The game is challenging, yet the learning curve is easy enough that anyone can pick it up. It's great for beginnersor hardcore gamers. If you enjoy Metroid-vania style games built on exploration and platforming, then definitely give this game a play. I would definitely recommend this game to anyone.

Get it here.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Will The 3DS Deliver On Its Promises?

The 3DS in all its glory.
(Note the two cameras for 3D photo taking)
The 3DS was made available to the public at Nintendo World 2011, and "Rambo the Bear" a Destructioid reader was there to deliver first-hand observations. Reactions are positive, despite some of the concerns that gamers have been having.

The initial game line up appears to be made up of remakes of games that are already in existence. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, and Super Street Fighter 4 are all launch titles. While this is balanced out with a new Kingdom Hearts game and a new Kid Icarus title, it's a little unfortunate that the hype is about making games already in existence into 3D.

The 3D function itself has also been a concern, as Nintendo has mentioned that a sweet spot is needed to view the game properly, with developers going so far as to say that the 3DS is best played on a table, kind of nerfing the whole portability aspect. Don't expect the images to pop out of the screen, the 3DS is providing 3D without glasses, not miracles. The 3D effect is more like looking into a diorama or through a window. As the slider is adjusted, the depth increases. The sweet spot is real, however, 3D is not the only thing the 3DS has to offer, although it's the name of the fucking system. Nintendo is releasing a more powerful handheld, I don't really care about whether or not I can always see something in 3D. I'm looking forward to more content, longer games, more music. I'm looking forward to the hardware providing more opportunities. 3D is cool and all, but it's just a gimmick.

3D functionality aside, the 3DS is having a few stumbling blocks that don't seem to be acceptable. Xenophobia Region locking will be used on the 3DS, ending the era of being able to play any game made for a handheld no matter what country it was made for. The battery life has also become a concern, as the 3DS has the lowest battery life out of all the rechargeable handhelds Nintendo has made. So not only will I have to recharge my 3DS every five minutes (exaggeration), but I also won't be able to play games that weren't released in the state I bought my 3DS in (also an exaggeration).

Overall, the 3DS looks like it will do what Nintendo always does, mess up the status quo in a way that irritates everyone else. It's good to have a maverick, as things stay interesting. While it seems that the 3DS will be a proper successor to Nintendo's handheld market, I can't really say for sure until I hold one in my hands, hopefully in March.

Sega Takes Pissing Contests To A Whole New Level With Toylet

Soon gamers everywhere will be trying to get the highest score in pissing. Sega's Toylet is a gaming console built into urinals that allow men to play mini-games and compete against one another in multiplayer. Yes, multiplayer pissing. Apparently, Sega figured that we didn't play video games enough. I feel sad for the lady gamers that won't be able to properly enjoy this great new thing we didn't ask for.

Arkham Aslyum Sequel Arkham City To Be Released This Year

Batman is back ,and as pissed as he usually is.
2011's Arkham City takes it's predecessor Arkham Asylum's formula and expands it, with more villains (Two-Face, Catwoman, The Riddler), more gadgets (including an explosive gel), and more space (GOTHAM CITY). Perhaps this is the start of a great new game series, provided they don't screw it up. Simon's Quest anyone? More on this here.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Dokapon Kingdom Review: HD Remix

Dokapon Kingdom takes the fun of Mario Party and adds an RPG twist. The result is hours of fun. In Dokapon Kingdom there are no teams. You and your friends are competing to become filthy rich. How do you get there? By defeating monsters, freeing towns, and stealing every last bit of your friends' money. Take on kobolds, ogres and slimes in a unique counter based battle system. Hold jobs like Thief, Magician, Warrior, and the ultimate jobs: Robo-Knight and Hero! Each job affects your stats and nets you better pay. The "Friendship Destroying Game," lives up to its self-proclaimed title. It's all in good fun though, and great for any game night with friends. Keep in mind though that once you pick it up, you won't want to put it down! I once played in a session that ran for a full 24 hours, so watch out!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Dokapon Kingdom: One of the most in-depth multi-player games of all time.

Image courtesy RPGfan.com
Dokapon Kingdom is a mash-up of two genres, fantasy RPG and boardgame, that blends into the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of gaming. "You got your Final Fantasy in my Mario Party! You got your Mario Party all over my Final Fantasy!" Set in a fantasy kingdom, this greed based game's win requirement is that by th end of the game, your character needs to have the most money. You and 3 other friends get to battle monsters and one another, fighting your way to the top. You build your character, choosing color, attitude, gender, and most importantly, job. Jobs determine how your characters stats level up. Along with all of this, the equipment listings are intense. Years after purchasing this game, I still haven't found all of its secrets.

The game's happy, chibi graphics may seem off-puting at first, but they are essential to keeping the game light and fun. Eventually you hardly notice them, as you have been caught up in the charming storyline and strategy. What the game may lack in graphics, it more than makes up for in content. The overworld is large, and random events occur frequently enough to make every play through unique and special. Combine that with the fact that you're playing with three of your friends, and you have an excellent experience that will last for hours. I do mean HOURS. I have a run that I did with some people that clocked in over 50 hours of play time, and weren't even finished.

While the game is immensely fun in multi-player, keep in mind that the AI is a cheating bastard. But, with a game of this quality, you won't have a hard time finding friends to play it with. Afraid that you'll have too much of an advantage? The game has built-in balancing event (although I won't say what it is.)

This game came out a few years ago, and has managed to have a small underground following. Since it's been around for a while, the game's pretty cheap. Around $40 on Wii and $20 on PS2 at Amazon


Dokapon Kingdom takes the fun of Mario Party and adds an RPG twist. The result is hours of fun. In Dokapon Kingdom there are no teams. You and your friends are competing to become filthy rich. How do you get there? By defeating monsters, freeing towns, and stealing every last bit of your friends' money. Self-proclaimed as the "Friendship Destroying Game," I got to see firsthand how it lives up to that title. It's all in good fun though, and it's a great game for any game night with friends. Keep in mind though that once you pick it up, you won't want to put it down! I once played in a session that ran for a full 24 hours, so watch out!


Hate that there are no good multi-player RPG's? Give Dokapon Kingdom a try. Everyone get's their own customizable character, and no one is ever put on the back-burner. Co-operation optional! One over-arching plot, however the path is fraught with in-fighting between you and your friends. Cheap, underground, sure to please!


Dokapon Kingdom = Mario Party + Final Fantasy. Fight your friends with the character you create and level up! Hours of fun. One of my favs.

Portable Retro Gaming With The FC-16 Go

Photo Courtesy of Stone Age Gamer
The days of the SNES (Super Nintendo Entertainment System) have long passed. Perhaps you are one of the many who was forced to stop playing the SNES games you loved because your console stopped working. Now you can return back to the golden age of gaming with the FC-16 Go from Yobo Games.

The FC-16 Go is a SNES emulator made for portable and TV gaming. With a built in controller, screen, and rechargeable battery, you can play your SNES games anywhere! And if you want to play it on the big screen with friends, the FC-16 Go features an A/V output and 2 wireless controllers!

This sleek, compact system is available at Stone Age Gamer for only $54.99!
Are you ready to relive the glory days?

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

You Only Live Twice: A Night Of Goldeneye

I recently picked up a copy of Goldeneye for the Wii, so I decided to have a night of multi-player with friends. Here are the results.
 Will Griffith spices things up.
 Daniel Wilson is about to suffer a headshot.
 False excitement abounds
 Seen here is the Golden Classic Controller Pro, which came with the special edition of Goldeneye.
Daniel Wilson is stuck with the standard classic controller.

Overall, it was a great night in. Guns were blazed, grenades were thrown, and eventually one man was dubbed to be the true 00agent.

Image Gallery Unlock: Dev Studio

It takes a lot of time, money and space to be as knowledgeable and skilled at gaming as I am (Also known as having skillz). It's come to my attention that my library and abilities have actually been called into question. So here's a little bonus content for you. This is the portion of my collection that occupies my college dorm. The rest of it is back at home. Yes that is a real copy of Earthbound, I picked it up for $5 as opposed to what it normally sells for.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Harmonix Suffers Headshot By Being Bought Out For Only $49.99

$49.99 can buy you a lot in the gaming world. As a matter of fact, it's a standard MSRP. Did you know, however, that $49.99 can buy you a development company? Company Columbus Nova purchased the game development group for the price of the games that they make (Rock Band, Dance Central). The previous owner, Viacom, spent around $175,000,000 purchasing the company, so why sell it for such a low, low, price? It's simple. Pretending to be a rockstar just doesn't pay like it used to.

By purchasing the company, Columbus Nova takes responsibility for all of the unsold Harmonix games and equipment that are sitting in warehouses, collecting dust. Harmonix employees must be sweating bullets, as Columbus Nova might get bored with the company and trade it to their friend for a copy of Call of Duty.

It looks like the age of getting your friends together and clicking plastic to victory is past. I don't know for sure, but one thing I do know is that I wish I had an extra $49.99 lying around. Maybe then I could have a crew write this blog for me.


Push select to answer the Codec call.

Taking a break from lectures, rants, and warnings about the dangers of cigarette smoke, this incoming codec call addresses current news in gaming. Listen up, Snake.

The Nintendo DS has become the greatest selling handheld of all time across North America, beating out the previous title holder, the Gameboy.

Fifa '11 finishes at the top of the charts in the UK. I'm sure that soccer hooligans everywhere are pleased.

Nintendo 3DS confirmed for March release.

While we're mentioning the 3DS, rumor has it that a 3DS was stolen from a factory in China, and images and video have been leaked across the internet.

Ubisoft realizes that not everyone has a constant internet connection, and revoked the DRM requirements for playing their games. Finally.

A third party analog stick has been made for the iPad. The suction cups stick to the screen, so you don't scratch the hell out of your expensive supersize iPod. Perhaps this is the half-a-reason-to-purchase gamers have been asking for?

And for those of you who think that Nintendo isn't a marketing, gimmicky, sales machine, DS and Wii set the 2010 U.S. sales records. Looks like the Gamecube is still the only thing Nintendo made that EVERYONE DIDN'T BUY.

That's all for now Snake. Stay sharp, and remember you're our only hope for stopping Metal Gear.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Press Start

Video games. Surely anyone who is reading this has played one in some form or another. Even my grandfather plays solitaire on his computer. Video games are a culmination of mankind's history of entertainment. Games of luck and skill have made their way onto consoles. Pen-and-paper RPG's and even things like novels and movies have been made into games. A rich past is being remade into brightly colored flashes on a tv screen or a pc monitor.
The King of Gaming, in all his glory. Yellow Capcom hat crown, pink shirt, acid wash jeans.
With the wisdom of Nintendo Power, wielding an NES controller, he reclines in his throne.
When he gives you the thumbs-up, you know the game is quality. His mullet is mighty.

This is gaming.

From casual to hardcore; in this day and age gaming has expanded into a market that attempts to cater to everyone's tastes. Companies build their fanbases through unique concepts and vibrant characters. What first started out with two white lines and a white dot, has become a powerhouse of fantasy. Video games provide entertainment, evoke emotion, and in some cases can even educate. What was once for basement dwellers is now for everyone. Gaming culture has become huge. Memes and jokes come directly from video games, spreading into the general populous, affecting those who have never picked up a controller. You may be surprised to find out just how many of the things you find funny are references from video games. Cue ALL YOUR BASE and DO A BARREL ROLL.

My name is Maxon Foster-McAlpine. I play more games harder than you do. My collection is extensive, the list of games I've played even more so.

If you're a newcomer, I'd like to help show you the wide world of gaming: the history, the famous, and the obscure.

If you're an experienced gamer, I'd like to tell you about some things even you don't know about.

You may think this whole thing is nerdy and lame. Feel free to do so. I'm not attempting to appeal to an uninterested audience, or an audience with contempt for me. I hope you enjoy what I have to say.

Please, read on. After all, It's dangerous to go alone, take this.